No Way to Treat a Lady

MORRIS BRUMMELL – 30s-40s; fairly well built; a man of physical strength who hasn't quite figured out how to use it to his advantage. Although he is far from being classically handsome, Morris' looks are appealing and he possesses a warm, inviting smile and "mensch"-like presence. Even though he lives with his mother, he should not be a typical "mama's boy." Kit unleashes a darker, more ambitious side to Morris' personality, but one should be careful not to go too far: after all, Morris is the hero of the show.
CHRISTOPHER "KIT" GILL – 30s-40s; Kit is athletic and agile with exceptionally strong hands. His youthful, almost angelic face masks his demonic tendencies. For Kit, murder is the ultimate performance and not a gruesome exercise. An actor oozing with charm is essential if the audience is to be seduced along with his victims. Kit is all about style and panache - like John Barrymore. Everything he knows about life is as a result of watching theatre. His performance should demonstrate he is a musical comedy performer gone awry.
SARAH STONE – 30s; svelte; attractive; sunny; funny; sophisticated. She is a modern-day Carole Lombard. Sarah, on the surface, has led a "charmed" existence, but on closer examination one can read the painful lessons of the past.
FLORA BRUMMELL/VICTIMS (ALEXANDRA GILL, CARMELLA, SADIE, MRS. SULLIVAN) – More than sharing an obvious physical resemblance, these women are all mature, strong and maternal. Yet in the case of Flora and Alexandra, their "maternal" instincts are sometimes questionable. Alexandra is guilty of giving Kit too little love (the theatre is her one and only love), while Flora is guilty of lavishing too much attention on Morris. Both women at times belittle their sons, robbing them of their pride and self-confidence. Flora does this for self-preservation: if Morris continues to depend on her, she will never be alone. (The actress playing these roles need not be mature as long as she is able to project maturity.) This role has been successfully divided into two roles in both United Kingdom productions: One actress plays FLORA and the other portrays ALEXANDRA and the three victims.

Note: The actor playing Kit Gill disguises himself as seven other characters in the course of the play: an Irish priest, an Arthur Murray dance class instructor, a French waiter, a telephone repairman, a pizza delivery messenger, a New York cop and a female barfly. The actress playing the character woman portrays five different women: Det. Morris Brummell's Jewish mother; Kit Gill's legendary actress-mother, Alexandra Gill; an Irish widow; an Italian former Queen of the Roseland Ballroom; and a lonely barfly. In both productions in England, the part was split between two actresses, although it is strongly preferred that one actress play all five roles.

The actor playing Kit Gill disguises himself as seven other characters within the course of the play: an Irish priest, an Arthur Murray dance class instructor, a French waiter, a telephone repairman, a pizza delivery messenger, a New York cop, and a female barfly. The actress playing the character woman portray five different women: Det. Morris Brummell's Jewish mother; Kit Gill's legendary actress-mother, Alexandra Gill; an Irish widow; an Italian former Queen of the Roseland Ballroom; and a lonely barfly. In both productions in England, the part was split between two actresses, although it is strongly preferred that one actress play all five roles.