JESSICA OLIVE - An extremely attractive and sophisticated woman in her middle to late thirties. To her, everything is a joke with a reason to laugh. She and her husband are the epitome of the rich, devil-may-care type of characters who used to be so prevalent in mystery stories and they play their characters to the hilt.
WHITNEY OLIVE – A few years older than Jessica, he matches her in wit and sophistication. Always the perfect gentleman, he might well have walked out of the pages of Esquire.
MILDRED Z. MAXWELL – A large woman, folksy in a way, but a very determined and opinionated. She often has a sharp way of speaking, although she is a friendly soul. In her late fifties or early sixties.
BRAD BENEDICT – He is much younger than the others, and, consequently more mod in his dress, but by no means "hippie." Actually, he is a very shy and retiring person, quite the opposite from the characters he writes. He has a quiet sense of humor which manifests itself in a small grin when he has been amusing, but usually he takes a back seat and admires the others.
RODNEY DUCKTON – The oldest of the five authors, but he is extremely vital and constantly interested in everything that goes on. There develops a small rivalry between him and Mildred and a small generation gap noticeable between him and Brad. He is dressed impeccably in a suit and is always full of boundless energy and enthusiasm.
JASON SUMMERS – A man in his thirties, efficient-looking right down to his horn-rimmed glasses, which he occasionally removes to emphasize a point. He wears a neat, Madison Avenue suit. He is enthusiastic about the project before him but terrified it will go wrong and he will lose his job; hence he has a nervous air about him, plus an always-eager-to-please everybody attitude that makes him seem on the verge of collapse.
STAGEHAND – Unimpressed by anything that happens around him.
JANE – She is an eager, young, and pretty maid but one suspects, for a time, that her naivete is not all pure.
GREGORY – He somehow looks remarkably like a Dracula character with his dark, penetrating eyes and deep widow's peak hairline. When he speaks, it is in a deep, Middle-European accent.
GEORGE – About thirty. He speaks in a very soft and sophisticated voice which almost purrs his villainy.
MAN – Dressed the same as George. When he speaks, it is with a tough, staccato voice.
MARTHA – Typical of thirties movies. Her hair is done in a severe style and she speaks with the voice of a hardened woman of the world.
GIRL – The epitome of the twenties ingenue. Her eyes are widened to their fullest circle of pure innocence. Her hair is a mass of curls and when she moves it is in the manner of the early movies.
MONSTER – Should look as horrible as possible. Possibly he wears one of those rubber "Frankenstein" masks and rubber claw-hands.
STEPHANIE MILDAUR – A beautiful girl in her late teens. Although innocent, there is a certain worldliness about her which has come from her life surroundings.
SECRETARY – As modern as they come. She speaks with a slight foreign accent and is breathtakingly beautiful.
BOX OFFICE GIRL (or HOUSE USHER) – Exactly as the audience sees her (or him) when they enter.
Doubling of some of the roles is possible and is up to the discretion of the director.